I'm venting again

but it's not too bad at the moment.

The show is coming along well - I'm excited for it to be going on this week - but I wish we had maybe another week or two to polish things up. The first couple of performances are going to be a bit rusty me-thinks. But still heaps of fun.

I'm feeling a bit oddly about boys and stuff at the moment. I'm still occasionally seeing Kim - and it's really funny, because he's really pulled his socks up recently and I'm liking him alot more than I ever did before. (I mean, he's still unemployed and not really 'going anywhere' in life, but that's not the be all and end all of being a good person.) Even Jess mentioned the other day about how the stories I've been telling her about him recently have become alot more impressive, and she's approving a little more of me hanging out with him (not that I need approval, I'm just saying - she's noticed a difference too). I gave him a haircut the other night and I gotta say - he's looking DAMN FINE at the moment!!! phwoah

but it hasn't made any other part of my love life any better. I still don't want to only be with him, and it's bad because I don't think he is interested in an 'open relationship'.

I've just gotten myself a book that was recomended to me by a friend: "The Ethical Slut" and it talks about polyamorous relationships and open relationships etc and how they work and what a good way to go about getting what you want is etc.
I've found it very inspiring but the main question that keeps coming up for me is - 'how do you find like minded people?'

I'm also finding myself asking the question - 'why don't the guys who I actually like (and have crushes on or whatever) ever like me back?' The only guys who I end up with are the ones that just fall into conveniance. The ones that I spend alot of energy thinking about and lusting after are the ones that aren't interested back. I find myself getting a little depressed, because it feels like they're the ones that are 'too good for me' and that's not a nice feeling. Especially when people keep telling me "oh, you can do better than him, why are you wasting your time?" I then have to turn around and say - "actually no, apparently I can't do better than him..."

blah


anyway, I actually am generally happy at the moment - I just have had to live through a couple of bouts of unrequited love recently and it's becoming irritating (like a itch in the middle of your back that you can't reach - and you can't do anything about).

If anyone has any solutions for said itch, let me know.