cats out of the bag

*belated sigh of relief*

for about 3 weeks now I’ve kind of been seeing someone in a very casual/not-so-casual manner.

There I said it.

I’ve been holding on for soooo long now – I wasn’t allowed to say for a while – I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, cos it’s a big secret.

But now, finally, the last person who was of concern has been told – and it’s all out in the open. Well, actually not out in the open at all – still majorly big secrets from anyone here at work who’s not part of my ‘click’. (No pun intended D)

Problem is, I’ve been holding on to it for so long, and not let myself blog about it for so long, that now I think I’ve lost the impetus… weird huh? All the first rush/flush stuff seems like ages ago, so it’s not really that exciting to talk about again… and the more recent stuff is just kinda boring, and I’m a little bit over it all….
Maybe I’m just in a flat mood today – but yeah.

My ‘Casual Fling’ always seems to come across as much more serious than that, which is not what I want at all – and, no offence to the lovely guy that he is – he’s just not what I would want in a long-term partner. Mind you, I can’t really think of anyone who fit’s that description at the moment – because I can’t fathom the idea of being with someone like that at the moment. At all.
Plus, my CF has major issues with a lot of things – and the good thing is that he’s starting to change his behavior a little recently (not drinking as much, but still a lot, not smoking as much weed) – but the bad thing is that I think he’s doing it for me, more than himself – which is a lot of responsibility on my part. Or, rephrase that – I think he does want to do it for himself, but he’s not able to unless he’s got someone (me) there to distract him from all of it, and help him remember to not ‘fall off the wagon’ so to speak. Good on him, I say, but I don’t really care if my CF gets high all the time – I do care when they drink too much, and then can’t ‘perform’ in bed, which has happened more than once now, but don’t not drink like you’re doing me a favour! I’ve managed to get him over his sex hang-ups though, which I’m proud of. Or, most of them anyway. So I’m proud of that. I like to think of myself as a service to the community really… hehehe

He gets along well with all my friends though. And he’s fun to hang around when he’s not completely pissed… although the conversation doesn’t always come easily with us when we’re on our own. No matter what I want him in my circle of friends for good – he’s such a nice guy.

What am I even talking about? I don’t even know… I think I’m just expressing random thoughts that are passing through my head at the minute.

He’s fucking hot though. Such amazing blue eyes… and a sexy sexy body. I think he’s got my ideal body really (not that I don’t like all manner of shapes and sizes) – wonderful arms and shoulders and hips and stomach and and and and and phew… he’s just hot.
And such a sweetie.

But I’m fucked so this is all I can be bothered writing at the moment.