freakin' hell

I'm getting really freakin' tired of a certain housemates attitude at the moment. We got the new one in, and I though "*sigh* finally the return of the golden age has arrived - this is going to be sharehouse bliss..."
WRONG PEOPLE
This one tiny little man is more moody than the rest of us three girls combined - even if we all had a periods at the same time... seriously. I've never seen anyone quite so rude and sour for no apparent reason.
And heaven forbid I confront him about it - cos then you just get the SCOWL FROM HELL directed at you... and no apologies, even though I've very politely pointed out that I in no way meant to lock him out of the house by letting the latch fall down ACCIDENTALLY and that I didn't appreciate him not speaking to me when I opened the door and apologised, nor did I appreciate him slamming his bedroom door in my face...
I mean, he's supposed to be an adult - and he acts like he's a moody 16 year old or something.
Apparently a little while ago he told one of my others housemates that he feels like he's living in a backpackers - cos he never knows if there's going to be people lying on the couch when he gets home etc - I mean - LIVE BY YOURSELF if you want to have that attitude... I'm sorry that we all have friends who want to see us and come round to our house - I'm sorry that I have a small trickle of men who come over and have sex in my bed, in the room next to yours... I'm sorry that you're not quite as lucky with the ladies, or with me... (oooh, that last bit was a bit harsh I think).
The most recent episode: Mel's mother came down from Mansfield today - and she was feeling very tired and sick and was going to have a nap, and THIS CERTAIN HOUSEMATE had his music up very loudly, so Mel went and knocked on his door, and politely asked if he could please turn it down a little, after explaining the situation. What she got was a whole lot of expletives directed at her, saying how he's been sleeping all morning and we didn't have the same curtosy for him... blah blah - we never know if he's home or not is my first response, my second being if there's a problem, come and tell us to turn it down as well - but the issue with that is that no one was being particularly noisy this morning, nor was there any music played, as far as I could tell anyway.
I'm sick of his freakin' attitude to everything. NO the world is not out to get you, NO we don't conspire to lock you out of the house on purpose, NO we don't play music at 11.30 in the morning just to shit you and wake you up on purpose - the door to your room is always closed, how are we supposed to tell if you're in or not? - I don't think that we should be quiet ALL DAY just because you stayed up till 4am watching DVD's and now you want to sleep. NO I don't try to rub the fact that I'm getting 'action' and you're not in your face - I would just like you to be civil and have a conversation with these people who are my friends is that so much to ask?
Freakin' Hell

those three little words

are the walls getting closer or is it just me?
he said them
those words
those threeeee words....
eeek

I don't really know what to do. I'm pretty sure I should stop seeing him, cos it's getting all a little confusing - but seeing as I have absolutely no self-controll whatsoever, I don't think that's going to happen.
I will have to tread very carefully though.

But the sex! it's just too damn good! I can't give that stuff up!!!!

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there are more auditions this coming Tuesday at 6pm at Kaleide theatre if anyone's intereseted - we didn't get a great turnout last time (the turnout being me and one other guy). On the other hand, that means I'm more likely to get a part!
:)
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Have been sick with tummy bug - haven't been able to keep food down for the last couple of days. Or, it stays down, but it comes back out pretty quickly... oh that doesn't make any sense - basically, I've got the shits people... for real.
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Am singing a bit more (still just in my bedroom) - I like my voice a little bit again, and I'm going to try and do stuff with a friend of mine named Tim. He's very small and very funny and very talented (or I think so anyway). Fingers crossed.
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wish me luck

tomorrow at 6pm at Kaleide theatre, there are auditions for the play 'Sexual Peversion in Chicago' by David Mammet, which Theatre in Bars - the RMIT collective will be staging in the first two weeks of August.
Even though it was my idea to do the show, and I helped pick the script - apparently I'm not gauranteed of getting a role, and if I don't get a role, it doesn't look like I'm gauranteed of being asked to do much else either.
I hate it when you don't know what someone thinks of you - the director is a really lovely chick, and I know she lkes me as a person, but it's hard to tell what she thinks about me regarding theatre stuff... I hate that... if she doesn't think any of the parts will suit me, I wish she would say instead of this whole "oooohhh you know, you might not get one of the parts..... sorry.... it's weird though isn't it? It will be weird if you don't..?" like - what am I supposed to do? not auditon at all? am I supposed to read her mind and be able to tell that she doesn't want me? HUH?
ehch....
anyhoo - I hope that I do ok tomorrow, and I hope I get one of the parts - and if there are any aspiring actors out there, y'all encouraged to come along!!!!

ps. things with Kim are good - it's settled into a nice little arangement now. I might have to have an 'update talk' with him soon - just to make sure everythings still all good on both sides. i"m more comfortable around him... I'm still not sure what his 'deal' is but.... I'm happy to ignore all that stuff for a while and go with the flow...

girl meets boy, girl goes crazy...

come on... resist... I dare you...

general not-sureness

sooooooooooo
updates
on things:

Theatre Collective (theatre in bars) is really moving along - we've decided to put on a play in August, so Pinky and I are reading some scripts and will decide what we want to do in the next few days - and then audition next week... yes - next week! I'd really really like to do 'Closer' but it's been so done recently - with the movie and there have been a couple of productions of it done as well.... but it's the best script out of what I've read so far. It will probably end up being 'Sexual Peversion in Chicago' (which, surprisingly wasn't my idea) but I'm not sure there would be a part in that one for me, which sucks balls (well, there's not really a part for me in Closer either) and it's not as good. Mainly just stupid guys talking about tits and arse... yay.

I still don't know what I'm doing for fringe - if anything. I'm going to talk to Matt about it, cos I don't really know how to go about developing something... and I keep going up and down in confidence about my writing ability... so it scares me. It would be better if I already had something that I'd written, but as it is, I have a couple of snippets of something that aren't really anything and I don't know what to do. If anyone has something they'd like to pass along for a performance to be done at Fringe, it would be cool... y'know - all you writers out there in blog-land...

Still been seeing Kim (well only on the weekend). I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing there... at all really. I really like the sex - but he's really not going well for my self-esteem, so a part of me thinks I should fuck him off, but another part of me says I'm strong enough not to let his shit affect me. I don't know how it's going really. I still like to think that I appreciate his honesty - but I wish he'd never said some of the stuff he's said.
Like on friday we went out for work drinks, and people were joking about starting rumours about him and me (without knowing that anythings been going on) and I told them what he had told me - that he likes girls to be skinnier than me etc etc etc, and all the guys were telling me how cool and interesting I was - and I said what I had said to Kim - that you can't fuck a personality.. and they were saying stuff like I 'have more personality than anyone else, more intellect than anyone else, and more body than anyone else!' and stuff like that. Then one guy was asking me how much more weight I'd like to loose - which was 20kgs (please don't gasp or anything - according to my weight and height that would get me to about what I should be) and Kim said "if she was 20gks lighter I'd ask her to marry me".
I don't like this feeling that I'm some sort of experiment in him seeing what it's like to be with a big chick or about him overcoming his stigmas...
on the other hand, I like the way I feel when we have sex - cos it's good... I like the way he makes me feel... what's the word? Safe? not quite... but he often puts his hand on my head as he's hugging me, and puts his arm around my shoulders when I'm coughing or something... it's comforting or something like that - so I'm finding it hard to be clear about what I want.

I also caught him looking me in that kind of way a couple of times... maybe it was nothing, but it looked like that look you get when you feel something more than casualness for someone... which is a little disconcerting! I don't want him to get the wrong impression about whats going on - and as I've recently discovered with Si, just cos you say one thing at the start, doesn't mean that's what they mean. It's what I mean... I'm always honest with everyone - more than honest! Brutally honest if you ask me... I couldn't be clearer about what I want... but I guess it's hard not to let it get complicated...

I think people at work might have figured out whats going on now. We left together on Friday for one thing, and then on Sunday he got a lift from a dude who just quit/got fired only a few days back, and he had another girl from work in the car with him who he's been seeing - so it's not half obvious when they come to my house (which Luke's been to before) to get Kim... and of course he gave me a quick kiss before he left... so it's going to be interesting to see what happens tomorrow at work!

something to aim for

not an option

apparenlty it costs over $3500 to do a year long part-time course as the VCA in acting... ba humbug....
so much for THAT idea!

however - the theatre collective is coming along very nicely, and we've got some really good ideas for stuff we want to do. I'm extremely excited!!! Looks like we're going to do a full-scale production of a play in August - Pinky and I are meeting on sunday to swap some scripts that we like... I'm thinking 'Closer' and 'The Floating World' (two vastly different plays, and I'm leaning toward the 'Closer' side of things) and she's going to give me some David Mammot (Mammoth? Mammet?) and Pintor (Pinta? Pinter?) <- I'm soooo not up on the who's who of playwrites... Hopefully I will get to act in it, and I think Pinky will be directing... or maybe we'll get someone else to direct, cos I think she was keen to act as well.

There might be another improv night - and maybe something in the 3Dfest that's happening I think July? AND we're doing something for Fringe, and apparently (according to the last email) I'm mentioned as possibly going to be devising something for that to go with another script thats being done... which makes me want to shit my pants cos I've never 'devised' anything before - I have an idea... but how on earth do I turn that into a fully fledged thing??????
And then there's going to be 'Paris Hilton hates Cate Blanchett' - a night of Theatre Trash vs Highbrow...
so of course I'll keep this blog informed - and I expect to see your tiny little pixelated faces at all of the events.

that was a very 'blah' entry wasn't it?