one less 'to do'

*sigh of relief*
I FINALLY did Reb's jewellery... or at least some of it. I can't be bothered doing any more - I did what I could, the rest is a little hard... she'll have to live with it - and considering that I'm not going to ask her for any money... I hope she doesn't complain too much.
The story you ask?
well...
about 2 years ago (maybe more) a friend of mine asked me to fix some jewellery for her. She's one of those pushy type friends who it's hard to say no to, so I agreed. Fast forward to about 2 months ago (adding in the bit where everytime she saw me she would remind me/make me feel guilty about it) and she started calling with peeved tones asking for it back, even if it wasn't finished etc etc. I was about to just give it all back (I've had a slight falling out with her since all of this - she's one of the party's involved with the whole Dan-Breakup thing, and she's also done other things to really piss me and some other friends off) but I had a fit of guilt at the last minuite and asked if she could give me another two weeks. "Two weeks?" she asked? "Yes! Two weeks is all I will need!"
ha.
Now it's two months later and she's started calling me again (quite rightly so) and after putting her off and putting her off - I've FINALLY gone and done the bloody stuff, to give back to her on Wednesday...
*another sigh of relief*
It's so great when you get to tick one of those fuckers that's been around the back of your head for ages...

Now, I could write about my sexy weekend, but, really, I suppose it's all getting a bit samey talking about who I fucked and how 'it was awesome' all the time, so I won't.

I was also going to do a big rant about Si and how much of a dick he is, and how I'm not going to see him any more - and I will be friends with him, but I need a bit of a cooling off period, but I think that might end up being a bit boring as well.
Sufficed to say, he got drunk and wanted to hang out - embarrased me in front of alot of friends by heckling them on stage and generally being a dick, told me I was a bitch when I tried to wake him up after the gig was over (he fell asleep...) and shoved me in the chest a few times when I tried to get him outside to the taxi.
Calling me a bitch is bad enough - but no one, and I mean NO ONE shoves me and gets to be with me.
So I took him home (I wanted to make sure he was ok - even tho Gun's advice was to leave him asleep at the pub) but told him to sleep on the couch. He got very upset, and I said we weren't going to see each other any more, and he got even more upset - and angry.

"I could have slept at 3 other girls houses tonight"
fine, go there then
"I can't believe you're doing this to me"
I'm not doing it, you are
"I've been getting texts from a girl at work all night"
I've been fucking other people, text all you want.

He said he knew I was probably sleeping with other people, and that it had hurt him, even though he knew what the arrangement was. He basically admitted to having serious feelings about me, and said that he's fucked up one of the best things in his life.
I wanted to tell him that he never really had me because I didn't want anything serious with him, but I didn't.
Sometimes I thought I could be with him, but most of the time I knew he wasn't really for me.
I feel a little bad about doing this whole thing with him when I didn't want anything serious, but then I think that he's a grown-up too, and I talked about our relationship heaps, and gave him numerous opportunities to voice how he felt, and he lied about it... so I tend to expect him to take responsibility for taking care of himself and his feelings.

I'm nothing if not upfront with the guys that I see. If I thought there could be something between me and one of them I would act differently, but as it is, I tell them and have the conversation pre-sex about what I'm doing with my life and my intentions and what the go is.
This probably sounds heartless.... but what more can I do? I'm not going to stop seeing someone just because I think there's a chance they're not being honest with me... it's up to them to define their own lines...

that's pretty heartless....
oh dear...

Sporting Fun

Theatre Sports tonight.
I DIDN'T suck.
SHOCK
In fact, afterwards I heard many things, including
"WOW! You were fantastic!"
"where the hell did you come from?"
"that was GREAT!"
"you guys should have won!" <-we came second (country: 'Canberra', sport: '100m running the country'), which I'm happy about, considering the team who came first were AWESOME, and that statement was said by the mum of one of the guys in my team - hardly unbiased.
Good night, anyway.
I want to be an actor when I grow up - it's official!

Another Sordid Story

I've got another one!

it's weird writing about it after every weekend... I wonder if people are judging me or if they don't care. All I know is that recently I've gotten the most amount of comments I've gotten in a while, so whatever it is that people are thinking of me - it's generating a response.

I have to say, also, that possibly contrary to popular belief - I don't just sleep with anyone... I want that cleared up. I know it might sound like it a little - and sure, in all honestly I'll probably kiss just about anyone (at least once) but the whole sex thing is a different thing. I've never slept with anyone that I regretted (well... that's not true at all actually, but there was a different circumstance there).

So, having prefaced this post with that little disclaimer - I'll get right into the dirty stuff! ;)

Friday night was AWESOME. I actually was good on stage, which was.... weird. I got heaps of great feedback from everyone - and from people who I never would have expected it from as well... Like Richard! Had this 5 min conversation (which, when it's all just stroking your ego, is a long time) about how impressed he was with my performance, and how he thought I kept getting better and better, and how I held it together well on stage - which was an absolutely phenominal conversation for me. Richard is one of those people who I admire immensly... and after living with him for a while and the nastyness that we've had for a while, it was nice to finally be back to real friends with him. Like I said - I got heaps of great feedback from lots of others as well, which was really really really really nice, and it gives me much more confidence! (although, having said that - I don't recommend anyone coming to the Theatre Games... I think it's going to be SHIT).
Jess, Cindy, Simon and Kim (all from my work) came, which was really cool as well. Tom (my housie) came as well, but he left right after my little bit - more important places to be. Simon also left halfway through the night - which was ok, but I'm sorry for him cos I think he would have absolutely LOVED the last piece... just his kind of thing - thoughroughly fucked up and uber offensive. (He's really a nice guy tho!) :) Jess and Cindy left and didn't stay for drinks - but somewhat surprisingly Kim stayed around and nabbed as many free wines as we could, before we all headed over the road to the Order of Melbourne and started what turned out to be a very big night.
It was weird - I was just talking to Kim for a while, and it didn't seem like much time had passed, but after a while I looked up and half the group had gone and there was only a few of us left - and no one had said goodbye! bastards! It was a very deep conversation about all sorts of stuff. I always laugh at Kim at work, because he always has these rants - and I expect at least one rant a day, on any number of subjects - usually politics. Anyhoo, I'd gotten some pills for Rich, and after a small group discussion we decided we would all have a little. I asked Kim if he wanted some, which sparked a conversation about how my tactic with my friends is just to drug them up and 'get with them' (I wasn't being serious, but I was joking about how I don't really need the E to be uninhibbited, but it's a good excuse if everyone around you is on it as well...) To which he said something along the lines of - 'can I tell you something?', to which I said something to the tune of 'I don't know, is it going to sting?' - because of the whole conversation we had at the pub two weeks ago about how if Jess had my personality he would be a dibbling mess around her... blah blah blah - there was alot, that I can't be bothered going into. And he said (something very romantic) "I'd really like to give you one", and I promptly replied "I thought you only fucked skinny girls!"

This sparked this very long conversation - half of which still made me want to stick my fingers down my throat and vomit untill I was thin, and the other half of which made me want to fuck him even more (for numerous reasons i should add... NOT just that he'd hurt my fragile ego - although that was one of them). He said he really likes me (likes my personality), I told him that he can't fuck my personality - and he apparently dissagrees. None of this made me feel particularly sexy, but I did end up sitting on his lap and pashing. This is the point in the evening that everyone else left, leaving just the two of us still talking about all this stuff. I have to say, aside from everything else, I admire his honesty. Even if it is a little pathetic - at least he actually says 'I like you but I don't like your body. I'm ashamed at myself for that, but it's how I feel' (I paraphrased), unlike other people which do the whole "noooooooo, you're beauuuuutifuuuuuul......." and it's so fake you could punch them.

I ended up going back to his place though, which was new for me - and we had the most intense sex I've ever had. I didn't really feel like my usual sex-goddess self, for a couple of reasons - one being that I didn't know how to work his 'equipment'. He's the most different to any of the other guys I've been with, and I couldn't get a feel for it. I think this had something to do with the fact that he has his penis pierced with a very very very large thick bar - something I've certainly never encountered before and didn't really know what to do with. He had a very very very large thick penis too... (just thought I'd add that in).
But it was all amazing - we just fucked and slept all through Saturday, and finally got out of bed at like 6 or 7pm or something and ordered pizza... hung out for a while, then he came back to my house!
Sun morn he drove me into the city and this is how we left it: casually meaningful - which I'm not entirely sure of the meaning of... but we'll see. He knows about Si (who I got literally 20 missed calls from on Friday night!) and he knows about fuckapalooza - but I think I'll have to be careful - even if just for the fact that we work together-together - he's in the warehouse with me. I think he's worried that I'm going to fall in love with him (which is more than a little presumptuous - and it's not ever going to happen, I know) and he said something about falling in love easily himself - so maybe that might be one to be careful of.

He did tell me I was beautiful.

I found it a little uncomfortable to sit down yesterday.....

see my snatch

I used to do Drama to get out of PE at school, but...

warning: tantie ahead!

I was going to write this whole post about how much I'm pissed off with Si at the moment.
I can't really be bothered now.
Just, to cut a long story short - I don't care how casual a relationship is, it's still a friendship, and you don't fuck your friends around the way he fucked me around yesterday.
It's NOT ok to call someone at 2pm and organise to hang out and then after not ringing back or txting anything for 3 hours, then saying 'yes I'll be there soon' and then another 3 hours and then 'oh, I'm going home'.
I waited around my house for a whole day, because he said he was coming over. I'm not saying that I cancelled any great plans, but I could have had something - he didn't know...
I feel shit that he thinks that it's ok for him to pick me up whenever he wants and drop me off just as casually.
Like I said - this isn't even about sex or relationships or whatever - this is about friendship, and I would never do that to a friend.
I have come to expect this kind of behaviour from some other people recently... now I've got another name to add to my list of "people not to trust".
I don't care if that's harsh...
how dare he.

Friday night:

:was an absolute blast!!

I had soooo much fun!

went for work drinks with work people (wow, who woulda guessed?) because a couple of the guys here are leaving.

Got EXTREMELY drunk, and ended up having a pill again (which was actually passed to me via kiss from one of my work buddies). (hehehehe).

I kissed:
Skye
Luke
Cindy
Kim (male)
Si

hehehehe
legitimate kisses btw - not any spin-the-bottle-shit or anything.

Skye:
she and i were dancing, and I was pilling, and we just kind of grabbed each other and pashed. Repeatedly.

Luke:
he and I were flirting alot all night, and we were being cheeky, and at one point he leaned in for the kiss but I leaned back - cheeky again. Then at another stage he asked me if I wanted I pill... I kind of ummed and ahhed about it - basically I didn't want to pay the money... hehehe... then later we were sitting and talking with some other people, and he grabbed me and kissed me and passed me the pill in his mouth - and then we pashed again also...

Cindy:
I'm sitting there drunk as a skunk, pilling still and this exchange happened;
ME: have you ever kissed a girl before?
CINDY: no
ME: would you like to?
CINDY: ok
*pashpashpashpashpashpashpash*
hehehehe

Kim:
having very strange conversations about how he likes skinny women because they "make you feel like more of a man" and how he has a big dick... and how I'm very talented in the sack (hey, I was drunk - and tooting my own horn) - him talking about having threesomes and how I obviously want one with two males (duh) and him looking at Simon sitting next to me... and me saying no... and him saying that I'm scared - and me saying "no! but I have to work with you on tuesday!!". Then him saying goodbye, and me trying to get a kiss on the cheek, then turning my head at the last minuite to get a kiss on the lips (sooo sleazy - but i get away with it cos I'm so cute) and then PASHING, breaking away and then PASHING AGAIN.

Si:
well, he came home with me. And he watched all the other shenanigans as well... hehehe
how's that for casual????

Me:
feeling like a slut, and loving it.

(can we think of a better word than slut? is there some way not to make it sound like a put-down?)

what do you want?

I’m Confused
(well… that’s hardly a surprise… but bear with me)

I don’t get boys
(stay with me for one moment)

I’m confused about boys.
(just one more sec please)

Last night, I got an out of the blue txt from Phone Sex Boy (aka PSB). PSB is the boy that a few months ago I had a rather intense/fun/sexy phone conversation with (I can’t remember if I wrote about this or not…), who a day later promptly freaked out and said that he felt like he had cheated on his girlfriend (I don’t know if I agree with him or not… I guess I wouldn’t like any boyfriend of mine having the conversation that PSB and I had with other girls). Anyway, he’s the one who freaked out. I took the ‘whatever’ attitude – as I knew that it was nothing serious, and although I would have really liked to do everything that we talked about in real life, I knew he had a girlfriend – so there was no real option.
But like I said, last night I got an out of the blue txt. Well, almost out of the blue. The extended version of the story goes like this:
A couple of weeks ago he txted me asking if I was angry at him – as whenever he got online and said hello to me, I apparently logged off. I told him that I hadn’t been using the internet much, and it must have been my housemates on my computer. I had, though, decided after the ‘episode’ however far back, that I would give him a lot of space, and I hadn’t bothered trying to make contact.
On Friday night, he txted me again, asking about a dress-up party and suggestions. A small converstation ensued – most of which is unimportant, aside from me reminding him that we always meant to catch up for drinks, and never had. He said that we would – in 3 weeks in the City. -> 3 weeks… I know – obscure, but hey, whatever.
THEN:
Last night I got a txt. “Saturday night was mad! U woulda loved it. I was such a slut. How come u r never on msn anymore? Drinks 2 weeks in the city!”
Totally random, in my opinion – as we have never ever ever ever had a random conversation through txt that wasn’t started online (we don’t ever see each other really, and have really only had sexy conversations). Also – “I was such a slut” – I know probably just means that he looked all transvestited-up, but I could read so many things into that one little sentence it’s not funny.
I replied: “U? A slut?! NEVER! ;) I don’t really have the net anymore – it’s dans account so that’s why… Plus my supply of phone sex [I meant to say cyber sex, but was distracted] dried up so I’ve had to venture out into the world and get some for real!”
PSB: “Oops sorry bout the phone sex. I need a cap plan. I have a video phone now tho. Tell me who u been getting it on with?”
-> wtf? “I need a cap plan”? I don’t get that either – does that mean he wants more conversations with me??? Does that mean anything at all??? I have no idea…
----I’m probably over-analysing right?----
so – we had a very long textual conversation – me saying that I’d started fuckapalooza, and asking him how he was and what was going on with him. This was my very very gentle way of asking him if he was still with his girlfriend (he probably is, they’re long-term), to which he never made a reply. He told me nothing about his life and what was going on (another reason why he’s probably still with her).
I (perhaps somewhat foolishly) decided to send him a very kinky pic (not of myself I’ll have you know) that someone had once sent me of a couple of girls together to christen his phone for him.
Then for the rest of the night he sent me porn pics on my phone of girls sucking, fucking, getting fucked, and getting ‘shot in the face’ so to speak… I’ll admit – I was responding pretty positively to this, I’ve always liked a kinky conversation. But the thing that shits me is that he’ll never do anything about it – so, in my opinion, is the biggest cunt-tease ever.
At one point I said: “so much for not crossing the line hey?” – as this was something that he’d said to me after the phone conversation. He sent back something to the tune of “oops, I am just really horny I spose”.
At another point I said: “SO looking forward to that catch-up drink ey! That’s going to be interesting!” meaning it would be uncomfortable-making. I also said: “You are just SO all talk and fluff. U need to get out into the real world and play with the rest of us” (I was getting a little tired of it all by this stage)
His reply: “That is truly true. Unfortunately I don’t know if I could handle u out in the real world! But you do make a very good point.” And then to something else I said: “Never say never! But in all honesty, not when we have drinks. Unless u force me… which wouldn’t be all bad.”

OH I almost forgot to mention (this is one of the punchlines) - the very last pic he sent me was one of his erect penis, saying something like 'this is where you can sit' or something like that...

WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!?!??!??!

What the hell does all of that mean exactly? Does he, or doesn’t he want to get together? Or did he just need some chick to talk to while he wanked?? I don’t fucking understand what exactly went on. “Unless you force me”?????? like I’m some predator or something…

BUT I’ll go for drinks, if indeed he was actually serious about that bit… and see what the hell is going on. In fact, I’m going to ask him. I was content and excited by the initial stuff, but since then – I’ve been out and getting it for real* and I seriously don’t need his meek little attempt at sexiness…

If anyone would like to help me decipher this obviously confused boy…. It would be muchly appreciated. I need to know whether to bother pretty-ing myself up for our catch-up when/if it happens. I want to know what his intentions are.

In hindsite - that would have been a very good question to ask...

*during this whole fiasco - I actually also got a txt from Theo... a very nice sexy txt. I didn't say I wasn't in demand! ;)

walk the line

Ever get the feeling that your life is stretching out in front of you in one long thin gray line?



I do.