tomorrow:

'Cup Day'

1st Nov

there is a bbq at my old/current house. Y'know, good old fashioned ritualistic fry up of flesh for consumption, and the skulling of many a beer. (I don't know what the vegetarians are going to do...) there will even be salad I'm told for those people. You know who you are. Salad eaters.*

the point?

YOU ARE INVITED!!!

I'd really like someone I know to turn up so I have someone to talk to - it would be very nice...

The only thing: I'm going to go to a Skeleton Soup gig later that night, that I most heartily invite others to - it's a Halloween gig, even though it's the day after Halloween - but Wendy Rule and someone else is playing as well... and it really looks to be good. The 'but' is that it costs $10 and we have to 'pre book' which i think means telling the band... apparently it's an 'exclusive' place in south yarra *shudder*. Company and general help with bagging the pretentiousness would be much appreciated... let me know if you're interested by emailing me (I've been pretty good at checking it recently) at sekhmetlion@hotmail.com (I'd put my ph no. but my mum always told me not to cos of psycho's).

So that's me done. I know it's short notice, but if you're not doing anything else, grab someone with a car and come - cos it's gonna be fun... !!! Car is optional really.... I just know that I'm lazy, and I'd be more likely to get off my arse if someone's going to drive me... :P

oh - if you do want to come email me and I'll give you my address too - cos again, I'm wary of the psycho's... even though I'm not living here for very much longer, so I guess it won't really affect me if someone decides to look in the windows. Cos you know - at least if I get you to email me first, I'll then have your email and can track you down... er.... yeah...

please come
it'll make me extremely happy
and if i don't know you well
uncomfortable
yay :)


*I actually really like salad, but I'm afraid of persecution... it happens, trust me...

yesterday:

I got this text
from Willow:
"Hey dude! we hav been faced wit the utmost worse dilemma! we met another housemate the other day b4 u sent us a msg, an he said yes an we sorta said yes aswel, then u msgd us, as we wantd u al along but we had got ourselves in 2 a situation! So the other guy is goin 2 move in, im so fukn sorry 4 takn ages 2 decide wat 2 do an get bak 2 u! both melz an I would love 2 hang out wit u tho cause we thnk u da bomb! gd luck wit evrythng in the mean time! Willz xo"

because of which I had many a tear and a need for a hug. You know when you've convinced yourself that something's going to happen, and then it doesn't? the dissapointment can be crushing.

so I didn't send anything back, as I was trying to think of something appropriate to say...

then I got this:
"Hang ten, now melz an I feel like we hav made the wrong decision! do u stil want 2 live wit us?"

to which I replied:
"yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes"

and recieved:
"hahaha hang ther 1 tic!"

.... waiting.....

then:
"WE WANT U THE MOST! so start packing baby! when we decided 2 go wit the other guy melz and I started 2 feel sick cause e knew we'd made the wrng decision! so get pumped! yay! im in the country atm so contact melz 2 organise it all! c u when I get back! ciao!"

so yay! I'm moving.

it was good actually. Really reafirmed the fact that I did actually want to move, but was just too scared to really commit to it. So it's all good.

I tried to call Mel and sort things out, but she wasn't there, so I left a msg - so as of yet, havn't heard anything back about the official details... but YAY

this is going to be interesting...

did you know...

...that it's the 301st day of the year today??

did you?

I can't believe this year has gone past so fast
I can't believe I say that every single freakin' year

but seriously

we're up to day 301

Going in threes

So updates apleanty:

CAR
Not getting the car any more. Even though I’d put a deposit on it, I think it really was a stupid idea for trying to do that as well as go overseas – and after mum had a look at it, she thought that it probably wasn’t that great a bargain that I would never get something that good again. I did agree with her – and after hearing a resounding “Don’t get it if you’re traveling” from all but one of my housemates (dan) I decided to take all of their advice, and luckily, I didn’t loose my deposit: I’d put in the contract ‘Subject to Family Approval’ <- it was handy. I just said that my mum had advised against it – bingo, deposit back. Minus the RACV inspection fee of course, but ah well, you live and you learn…

HOUSE
Went and saw the house again with these lovely girls, who couldn’t be any more lovely if they tried. I got horribly depressed again after going there, because it’s becoming increasingly clear that that’s the way to go, and I’m sad. In fact, I cried myself to sleep last night… I think it’s cos I really do love Dan, and me making the decision to finally move is like having to break up all over again… that said, the final decision hasn’t been made yet – but it’ll have to be tonight I think, as I don’t want to keep these girls waiting. They’ve told me that I’m their first choice, so basically, if I want to move in, I can – which is really nice. I was always picked last for the school teams when I was younger, so it’s nice just to be picked… (but, really – who wouldn’t love me???!!! HA) the guy they’re living with is oookaayyy…. Not great, but I think he won’t be a problem… he was very shy and it was a bit uncomfortable talking to him, but the other girls kinda put us on the spot, and we ended up just being like “ummm…. Hello.” “hi” “anything you wanna ask me?” “erm…. Don’t really know”. However that conversation did last a good 20 mins at least, and then I spent the next hour or more chatting with the girls again (man, I really really like them). SO NICE this is the txt I got from one of them the next morn: “Hey Alia, what did u think of mat? I know this is a massive decision 4 u 2 make considering it means such a big change 4 u but just know that willz & I have been there (eps myself recently in regards 2 breaking up with a bf!) & so r very understanding about what u r going through. Even if you decide not 2 move in, we should catch up again anyway ;-) X” how nice is that??? I was thinking that too – that they were just so damn nice that I would love to hang out with them whatever happens, and I sent back a txt somewhat to that affect. Look, I think it’s looking pretty positive, so I think it’s going to happen, but I just don’t want to make the wrong decision so I’m crapping my pants about it all…. (not literally thank god)

CHINA
IS A GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gave Jess the money this morn, she’s buying the tix TODAY and WE’RE GOING BABY!!!!
Leaving the 29th Dec, getting back on the 31st Jan….. how cool is this????? I’m sooo excited I almost weed myself… (gee, I’m really not having a good day am I??) I’ve always described myself (in regards to excitement) as like one of those tiny little dogs that when they’re happy and they try to wag their tail, but they’re so small their whole body starts to shake…. That’s what I’m like… except for the small bit…. BUT SO excited and happy!!!! I’m going to FREAKING CHINA omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

eek

I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack or something

I'm all hot behind the ears, and my heart is beating loudly, and my hands are shaking

I'm scared of everything... things are rushing around in my head too fast and I don't want to do anything but go home and get into bed and make the world go away





well





either that, or it's the coffee I had this morning




?

oh dear god

I just watched Neighbours tonight

It almost made me cry

yes

thats right

Neighbours

oh

dear

god

fuck

me

what's the world coming to? Or - what am I coming to?

I mean: Neighbours for gods sake

don't pity me

please

have a squiz

I got sent this, thought I'd share the love:

>>> "West Space Inc." <info@westspace.org.au> 10/25/05 1:21 pm
>>> WEST SPACE supports the work of one of our volunteers in her new initiative:Snack Bar Art Space.
For more information please contact Emma direct on 0433352 679 or at snackbarartspace@hotmail.com

CALL FOR ARTWORKS
Snack Bar Art SpaceSnack bar is a new project using vending machines to sell art in publicspaces in the inner city of Melbourne. Snack Bar Art is cheap and accessibleto the general public and provides a free space for artists to distributetheir work. All proceeds from the project go directly to the artists. Inplace of chips and chocolate bars, artists are invited to submit any kind ofwork (within size restrictions) for sale.
Works could be:
* Jewellery
* Badges
* Found Objects
* Instructions
* Patches
* Œzines
* Comics
* Audio Tapes
* Prints
* Paintings
* Collage
* Textiles/Knitting/Crochet
* Sculptures
* Drawings
* Gadgets
* Flipbooks
* Toys
* Tools
* Toys
* Constructions
* Poetry/Prose
* Puppets

The works may be one offs or multiples and will be sold for $2 each, allproceeds going to the artist. Works will be packaged in cardboard boxes(which we can supply at no cost) which will also containing a brief artistsbio (see application) and a map of artist run spaces in Melbourne. Art inthis project will be an anonymous gift to an anonymous stranger, the artworkis an invitation to experience the Melbourne¹s independent art sceneŠMaximum size for works: 200mm tall/100mm wide/50mm deep. (From the size of asmall chocolate bar to the size of a 50gr packet of chips)
The location of the first vending machine is in the new caf* district inVictoria St Brunswick in the extraordinary coin laundry. Another machinewill be installed in a pub in St Kilda or in the city shortly.Contact Emma on 0433 352 679 or at snackbarartspace@hotmail.com for moreinformation
SUBMISSION DATES
First Round: November 20th 2005
Second Round: January 20th 2006
Third Round: March 20th 2006
Project Launch Party in Late November, details TBA

mysterious ways

I just found out that my dealer is now my boss...

weird

well, actually, he's not strictly my boss - he's my team leader, and he's not strictly my dealer as such, I've only gotten stuff off him twice, admittedly the only two times I've gotten anything off anyone...

but this is strange none the less...

considering that he gets stoned most lunchtimes, if not whatever else he takes - he's pretty hyped in the afternoon's sometimes... maybe it's just all the v's he drinks, but methinks it could be something else...

weird weird weird

grrr

remember this Gun?????

And this one, from Maara...

remember 'Grrr'????? hehehehehehehehehhahaHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHAHAS

:Lfdsfsffff;oiprawp'oeaw'porfag'asjasf *cough cough* *splutter* HA

hehehehe

I havn't forgotten... I'll never forget... MWU-HaHaHaHaaaaaaa

(you'll notice I didn't put the painfully bad drawing that I did on here... suck)

oh, fine, here....

HEY EVERYBODY: this is what I wanted to/tried/thought I might look a little bit like when I was 14.... I think I still do...

I was thinking of cutting my hair short again...

*cough*

is there anything better

than a long, hot shower?
I mean, seriously?

what 'cha rekon?

'The Biggest Looser' is coming to Australia.
I'm totally going to apply.
how cool/funny would that be?
just imagine - I could go to fat camp...
"run little fat girl, run like the wind"

coming in threes

unfortunately not that way...

BUT

1) I bought a car on the weekend! (well, I put a deposit on it, but my loan was approved today) the only the thing is that it's got to pass it's 3rd party inspection, and I've also put that I need to get 'family approval' which basically means I want my mum to have a look. Other than that - looks like I have a car!
-> 1988 Toyota Corolla, red hatchback, auto - I don't know a heap about cars, but that's the important stuff to me.
((yes, I know I don't have a license... this is supposed to be incentive/something for me to learn in))

2) I went and had a look at a share-house on monday night. It made me sad and confused, becuase I was hoping that it would be awful and horrible and that would mean I would stay here, but it was actually great, and the girls were great, and it's CHEAP - only $292 a month! and it's a great location. Unfortuatly there's an issue with one of the guys there, but there was talk of kicking him out (he 's heavily into drugs - which I don't really mind for the most part, but apparently he was talking about some of his friends being on herion, and he wasn't talking in a negative way - heroin sets off my alarm bellls) but I don't know if that will really happen. I think it was a good place though. I'm still not sure if I feel comfortable moving - I don't know if I can do it... so that keeps going through my head.

3) THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE I CAN GO TO CHINA
and it will be in november
as in THIS november
but I have to buy the ticket by the end of october
as it - THIS MONTH
as in - I have to raise money... which is the hard bit. Anyone got a spare couple of thousand dollars they want to give me? you know... cos you like me so much? :)
Actually, with a little bit of saving like buggery, and a lot of getting into debt (ie, credit card) I think it may actually be an attainable goal... I don't fucking believe it...
It'll only be for a month, and this is why is has to be now:
- there's cheap flights for the month of november. You can leave any time within that time, but you can only go for up to 35 days. We can get form here to Bejing, from Bejing to Boatou, then back to Bejing then here again, stopping off in Japan along the way. All that for only like $1800 (which includes tax, insurance, visa, and passport),
- we can get free accomodation while we're over there - cos one friend of ours is staying in Bejing at the moment, and another one has gone back to visit her parents in Boatou recently and we can stay with them - PLUS cindy can take us around and show us stuff etc etc
So all we have to really pay for over there is food and sight-seeing... cheap cheap cheap.

I think I can totally swing it - I think it's totally going to happen... I think I'm going to pee myself or something I'm so excited. Also worried - I'm not sure that I'll have enough money... but I think if worst comes to worst, Dan said he could lend me some money... so the next few weeks will be all about tightening the belt a notch or two and getting my hands on that moneymoneymoneymoney!!!!!

I'M GOING TO CHINA!!!

ow

my head hurts
why?
I didn't drink last night
but myhead hurts so much.. and it has been doing so for the entire day.
why?
I don't understand

went to Matt's birthday last night... gave him a ring that I made for him - unfortunately it didn't fit him exactly, so I've taken it home again and he's going to come over and I'll measure his finger exactly and fix it... had moderate fun - I wasn't exactly 'on game' last night either. I felt particularly boring and un-attractive last night... but it was nice to see everyone again.

I wanted to go to Millwood's 21st party - but it was just too hard to get to from where I was... if it was anywhere this side of the yarra I think I would have managed - but, yeah, as it was... too tricky. I feel badly though, I really did want to go... I can't even say 'next time' cos it was a freakin' 21st!! that doesn't happen more than once in a lifetime... so - sorry dude. I hope you had fun.

I really feel like going out for a big meal in a pub or something - real hearty food, you know? Unfortunately I HATE eating by myself, and it's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE in public, and I don't really know if anyone would come with me. Jane's out, Mel's out, the other Mel's out, I don't really want to go with Dan - cos I'm trying to get a bit of distance, and I don't really have any other friends that a)would come out at such short notice b)I would feel comfortable with just hanging out and having dinner with... out... you know?

If anyone reads this in time and just happens to be passing through North Fitzroy this evening, please come save me from headache and tedium.

two posts for the price of one

I’m confused by a dichotomy that resides in me.

I’m happy at the moment; I had a great weekend, one to write home about (no fuckapalooza, but that’s not the be all and end all of a good time) I feel happy because I’m being reminded that I have friends who care about me, and that I am in the possession of a personality that people seem to like. I’m not who I want to be when I grow up yet, but I’m slowly, inch by inch leaving behind the social retard I’ve lived with for years. I’m happy.

Yet

In the kitchen here at work, for some reason there is a razor blade that sits on top of the fridge. Every time I walk in there to get a drink or a snack, or just to walk through – I look at that blade and fantasize about it. I wonder what it would be like to press it into the flesh of my arm, and see the blood rise to the surface. I wonder how much it would hurt, and how hard I would have to slice to make a decent mark. I’ve picked it up before and felt it: it’s very blunt. I can’t stop thinking about this every time I see it. I’ve felt sad and desperate before, and it seemed like it would be a good idea – a good way to make me feel something different, or take my mind off whatever was bothering me at the time. I’m not sure why. Now I feel happy, and I still think about it.

How can someone be so excited about how their life is progressing and yet still feel so utterly disgusted with one’s self, or disappointed in themselves?

I don’t understand myself.

Is it just low self-esteem?

------------------------------------------
I’m unsure of whether I want anyone to reply to the above text.
------------------------------------------

I remembered something I did last weekend (yes, I know it’s almost been a week – I guess I’m finally developing that hazy-alcoholic-memory…) I’m both happy and embarrassed about it… I’m always secretly happy when I embarrass myself, because it means I’ve revealed myself in some way – and I love people knowing about me… I’m not sure why… but it does explain the blog.

I need to tell a bit of a back story: This was the second time that Penny Machinations has been put on – the first time was at La Mamma, and all bar the side-show I was manning was different. There was one, that was just a little booth with a phone in it, and you went in there and picked up the receiver and a voice would start talking to you. You would get one of a series of random monologues from selected plays. I went in there and got one of the monologues from Crave – a very sexy monologue. In fact, there were two performers who did the phone, one male and one female, and I was lucky enough to get the male… and my my my didn’t he do his monologue well…. I will say, with great authority that it was the SEXIEST thing I’ve ever experienced. There was a lot of “I want to touch your back, and your shoulder… I want to buy you a kitten and then get jealous when you love it more than you do me” well, admittedly the kitten thing isn’t that sexy, but there was a lot of other ‘I want to’ bits that were just fucking great. I’ve never been more turned on in my life… EVER. EVER. And afterwards I got to meet the guy who did it, of course, cos he’s a friend of my friend. Well… I didn’t so much as meet him as get him pointed out while I drooled. He wasn’t particularly good looking (well, he was nothing to sneeze at – “wouldn’t kick him out of bed for farting” as my housemate says), but – lets just say, I have a bit of an aural fixation…
Anyway, he came and saw this Penny, of course. He actually is involved with another show that was really successful here (during the comedy fest? Not sure…) and ended up touring Canada and wherever else… was living in New York for a while apparently with the other lads from the show, and has come back now – to perform the same show as part of the Melbourne international Arts Festival (or so I’m told). So I got to talk to him properly for the first time since the first Penny, and I was extremely proud of myself – not a hint of social retard-ness… I was witty, charming, happy etc etc. Then, this last weekend he was at the Hi-Fi bar for the Fringe after party thing that I ended up going to, and I was VERY drunk. To cut a long story shot (hehehe bit late) I ended up telling him as he was leaving the whole being turned on thing… he laughed and left. I did get a hug though, and he smiled. I hope he was grateful and not horribly disgusted… what was my point? Umm… that I actually told someone I thought they were hot – I just hope that it went down as well as I remember in my head, because admittedly my recollections of the night are a little fuzzy. Unfortunately (for me) it didn’t make him want to ravage me right there and then, and talk all sorts of nonsense in my ear while making passionate love, but… well… at least I told him. Or maybe I shouldn’t have? Hehehe I think my inner social retard was busting to come out after being squashed for so long, and that’s what happened. But it was a compliment right?
Any person would love to be told they’re sexy right?

Right?????

my wish list

these are the things that I want at the moment:

• Toyota Corolla, pref red or yellow, automatic, something post 1986 (or any kind of cute car that isn't expensive and will get me from A to B, and isn't white) (or grey)
• Digital Camera: Nikon D70 DSLR looks really good - good for macro shots (for my jewellery)
• nice house to live in with nice housemates
• upgrade parts for my laptop, mainly RAM, and possibly some hard drive space
• Tix to the meredith music festival: damn those ebay whores and their limitless wallets
• more corsets: I'm addicted
• something to wear on the bottom with corsets: that black skirt is daggy, and it looks strange with just pants cos of the... squeezing...
• new shoes: something dressy and something casual too - mine are currently falling apart
• CD's - there are many many many many cd's on my list to get

hmm can't think of any more at the moment, which is surprising.

maybe I'll add to it later

if anyone else has any suggestions of what I should be pining for - let me know...

I had stuff to say...

... and now its gone from my head...

erm

I think there was something about the fact that I have had a loan accepted by the comm bank... unofficially, so I can get a car...

I think there was something about me having an awesome weekend

I think there was something about the dinner I went to on Sunday night, which was really really nice, that I almost didn't go to cos I thought they wouldn't want me there (even though I was invited) and I had to be forcebly shoved out the door... there was something about a really yummy spanicopita with three different types of cheese and mint in it...

I think there was something about me having absinthe for the first time and it rocking ass

I think there was something about Penny Machinations winning the Fringe award for 'Best Special Event' and me saying sux to you all who missed out...

I think there was something about being asked to sing at Jangle Gym (the Australian Songwriters Foundation night) even though I don't have a band/songs

I think there was something about being told I should go sing at some Open Mic nights coming up, even though I don't have anyone to play with/songs

I think there was something about being told that if I really wanted to, this chickie would set me up a meeting with the manager of a bar on bruns st to potentially get a couple of days work experience (and possibly an on-the-side job) bar work

I think

but I'm not sure...

and I'm not sure what the point of it all was anymore...

erm

I think the point had something to do with me being very happy... yes... that was it...

dearey me

I was going to delete the last post... cos of embarrasement, but I have this thing about promising myself never to edit what I say in places/forums like this. That's why, often, my emails are ramblings and contradictory - cos while sometimes I do edit things after reading them, I try to keep that practice to a minimum. That way, I'm as honest as I can be with myself, and everyone else... it's cathartic in a way - coming to terms with how I really am. I suppose it's my own brand of therapy, in slowly trying to make that 'real' me break out of the 'now' me's shell.

On happier notes: I finally got the guts up to ring one of the places that were advertising for a housemate. I was weird about it tho - it was so so so so hard to make myself. I got the no. off my email, typed it into my phone.... then I had to go have a shower well, what if they want me to come around straight away? I need to be ready to walk out the house! then I had to have something to eat - cos I also needed to brush my teeth, and I had to eat before that... have to make sure I make a good impression Pick out an outfit that is not too dressy, but somehow shows them my personality I hope they like me.... then sat in front of my phone, checked to make sure the phone no. was still there - then checked back on my comp to make sure it was the RIGHT phone no... then finally called.
It went straight to voicemail.
I'm proud of the message I left: bright, bubbly, but not too girly that I came off immature (I hope), interested and available. Hope that I wasn't too pushy - the last thing I emailed her was that I would wait for them to let me know when they were ready to see people.
oh - woah - just got an email from one of the girls... better check it out....

ok - that was promising. She didn't know that I'd rung the other girl, and was just letting me know it was still avail. Unfortunately the other guy they're living with sounds a bit weird. She was saying he smokes ALOT of pot, every day, and was talking about some of his friends being on heroin... that doesn't bode well... She said they're both (the girls) hoping he'll move out soon, I told her (even though I don't know her) they should just kick him out if they're really not comfortable... anyway, I'll check it out and see how it feels...

I should probably contact the other place as well - but it was to live with 3 other girls (who all happen to be gay) and I would really like to have at least one other guy maybe, just to help balance it all out... but I guess I shouldn't rule anything out, and try not to get too picky.
There havn't really been any other ads that I've found that have looked any good.
Maybe I should just stay here? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can someone else tell me what to do? actually - don't, I'll just end up resenting you and doing the exact opposite...

Drunk (again)

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
that's what I'm thinking RIGHT now
FUCK
that's what I WANT and what I FEEL
FUCK
I've been out again - celebrating. Partying. General fun and frivolity.
BUT
FUCK
I just wanna fuck.
I want to feel someone else's lips on my lips
I want to feel someone's hot breath on my skin
I want to feel someone's hand on my side
the small of my back
my breast
my neck
someone's lips on my neck
my ear
I just want to kiss someone
someone
fuckfuckfuckfuck

I nearly went into the bedroom and woke dan up so I could have someone to play with - but I know that's wrong, so I came out here and started writing instead.
FUCK

I want to write more but I know people who know me too well will read this - and I feel sorry for them. Why is that? why do I feel the need to shield my sexual self from them? I guess that's classified under 'too much information'. Nuts to that.... that sucks.

Maybe I'll write about it anyway - my desire to feel/touch/play with a cock....
to see that look in a mans face as he is in my hands
his eyes
the groan he would emit......
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

It's almost 6 in the morning... I'm home... I'm going to bed... alone, and yet not alone - I don't know which I'd rather... to be with no one, or to be with someone I shouldn't be with... not my choice right now...

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

General Corsetry

I had fuuuunnnn last night!!!

Penny Machinations went well - good crowds good shows. The actors were buggered after it - poor things had to do close to (sometimes over) 30 performances in the evening... did someome say tiring?!?!

Afterwards we all stayed around and had drinks - as you do! Laughter, dancing, fun, talking, a couple of deep and meaningfulls... a kiss on the lips from a complete stranger.... many people touching my corset (after being wholeheartedly invited to do so), conversations about my non-existent band AGAIN *sigh* <- when will I learn?! and a conversation about serenity/firefly that lasted FAR too long...
Then we decided to kick on afterwards as the Town Hall crowd had really thinned out, and they'd even turned the lights on - so it didn't quite have the same 'vibe', so we caught a taxi into the city and went to a pub, the name of which currently eloudes me - but sufficed to say it's on the corner of Russel and Little Bourke, and it's more bogan than the Elephant and Wheelbarrow... BOGAN TOWN. More dancing and loud drunken singing (I rekon I sounded alright... hehe), being chased after down the road by a bogan yelling at me how good my corset looked and how his ex-girlfriend had one just like it... ex you say? can't see why... A game of foozeball-doubles - Cocks against Cunts. The Cunts won it 2-0!!! hahaha suck it boys...
Then Hungry Jacks at 4 in the morning, getting home via shared taxi at about 4.30. Good times.

All in all a fucking good night. Ego's were boosted (on my part... damn I love that piece of clothing and how it makes me feel!), spirits were raised (and lowered on a few occasions... stupid boys.... they suck) and, well, yeah....

fucking great mate.

Easy As

I'm going from A
Straight to C
Skipping B
I'm moving forward

Plug B into C
You'll get F
(which we'll use later)
you'll see.
refer to picture A
your life should
look like this now

the first note is G
the second is D
I've always wanted
to play the melodie
rewind

play it again from the top

---- fizz

Bloody Mess

this is a show I went and saw last night - 'Bloody Mess'. It was an english theatre company which has come out here for the Melbourne International Arts Festival...

-->FUCKING BRILLIANT<-- if you have the time (or are bored enough) you should check out a review by the age here. It sums up everything I could say about it really - gives you a good idea of what it's all about...

My dream is to one day get to work with a group of people like that. I think I could actually be good if I was with people like that.

They were brilliant actors, and yet they weren't - it was like they weren't acting at all... they were really doing it. (that sounds so cheesy). EG: there was a 'fight sequence' between two of them - which wasn't actually a fight sequence at all. It wasn't a beautifully choreographed movement piece that made it look like the two of them were fighting - they actually just went at it, as you would normally. I could see their skin turning from white to red as they pinched each other, shoved each other, wrestled on the ground, picked each other up and dropped again. It was just GREAT. Then there was a bit where one of them ended up crying. This man, wasn't just good at acting like he was crying - he actually just cried on stage. We were in the front row (which was weird - we were at feet level) and I could see all the thick saliva that was building up in his mouth - that really happens when you really really truely cry. There was this bit, the two 'clowns' had just been wrestling, and they end up lying on top of one another, panting... and one starts crying and burts out into a microphone being held to his mouth "I'm still funny aren't I? They're still laughing at me right?". It was really beautiful... and strange... and uncomfortable in parts...

there was also full-frontal male nudity. That was funny too. Two guys wearing nothing, each holding a silver cardboard star infront of their 'front torlets', and then standing there talking for like 10 mins about 'beautiful silence' and all the different types. Then trying to convince everyone to have 5 mins of beautiful silence on stage...

Or the woman in the Gorilla suit who wants nothing but for us to think about what it would be like to fuck her - periodically taking off the gorilla mask to tell us about how she wants us to think about what it would feel like to kiss her, feel her breast in our mouths, feel her teeth on our neck etc etc.... then put the mask back on and start pelting us with popcorn, or spin around and around untill she gets so dizzy she almost falls over.

Fuck I want to be part of something like that. (that sounds strange...) I want to be with people that will make/let/allow me to rise to that sort of level of performance. One of the things was that you could see no ego amongst them - a big difference between them and all the other actors/shows I've been involved with. I don't know anyone who could do what these guys did, cos they wouldn't let themselves.

My dream now is to do that. I want to fully commit to something on stage, and go there and do it. Whatever it is...

the last ditch

this is an attempt to get some of you to actually come see something I'm involved in!

Penny Machinations

North Melbourne Town Hall
Between 8.30 and 10.30
$1 tickets
Pay-Per-View
tonight

You'll laugh, you'll cry - it's the adventure of a life time.

fuck it - If nothing else, come to see ME in my CORSET and have a drink and tell me how good I look! (hehehe. No, really...)
Then we can party on down for the rest of the evening OR say goodbye and go our seperate ways. People are able to stay at my house, on my couch (while it still is my couch).

I don't want to sound desperate.... but....

a house is for living

Putting the Shout Out:

I'm looking for a house. Well, at least, I think I am. I think I have to go have a look at one, and see how it feels to walk into a strange room with strange people who don't know me... and see if I freak out or not.

So - if anyone knows of a room in a house with nice people in Fitzroy/Nth Fitzroy for under $400 a month (the more under $400 the better), let me know!!

I need to fix my living situation!

bugger

Skeleton Soup gig cancelled for tomorrow night. I'm pissed at Evan - one of the guys in the band who organises gigs. He wouldn't even have told dan, if dan hadn't kept pestering him... grrrrrr. But he said they've now got a gig on Halloween, I don't know if that's supposed to be at Ruby's or what...

anyhoo - just letting y'all know and stuff.... cos, you know, I know so many of you were so excited.